Crawling out of my skin

Once I get an idea in my head, I usually mull it over for a few days, make my decision, and go balls to the wall. Once I've decided to do something, it consumes my every thought until I've done it.

So I've decided that I want to move back to New York. Don't ask me why, because I can barely verbalize a reason. I miss the energy. I want to be near the people. I'm afraid that I'll become too comfortable here in Richmond, and wake up in two years miserable.

Right now I'm going nuts. I had a pretty good job lead with a wine distributer and it's been a few days since I've heard anything. Is that bad? I don't know, all I know is that the not knowing is driving me up the wall. And further agitating my condition is the fact that Jason is in NYC this weekend and everyone up there is hanging out and having a blast - WITHOUT ME. They keep calling me and while it's so great that they miss me, it's torturing me to know that they're up there and I'm not.

It's all I can think about. It's ruining my weekend. Why do I let things like this grab hold of me? But at the same time, it's so fun to have this energy flowing through my body.

What if the job doesn't work out? I think I'll be crushed.

What am I thinking, wanting to move back to New York? I remember all of the things I hated about it.

God, I love life. It's so exciting and full of challenges. I wouldn't have it any other way.