I saw this and thought of you!

My stepmother is the queen of this sentiment. Sweet and generous at it's core, however it is usually severely misguided, mainly because everything that reminds her of me is cat-related.

I give you exhibit A:











Kitty salt and pepper shakers. Earlier this month it was a kitchen towel with cats in Santa hats all over it.

Sigh. I feel mean mocking these gifts, but at the same time am horrified that someone would see these things and "think of me".

Let this proclamation be heard round the world - owning a cat does not mean that one enjoys kitty trinkets!!!!!!!!

I'm bored, so here goes...

I got this list from Miss Tanya, who I ready daily.

My Long List
1 MINUTE AGO: I was flipping through my bookmarked blogs
1 HOUR AGO: I was sorting through seed mail in my cube (don't ask, it's not fun)
1 DAY AGO: I had sushi for dinner
1 YEAR AGO: I was working for two people who treated me very badly
I LOVE: food and friends
I HATE: working out
I HEAR: the annoying laugh of a girl who is a few cubes away from me
I FEEL: wiped out (like I always do when I've been doing nothing but internet surfing all afternoon)
I HIDE: Very little
I DRIVE: a Honda civic
I MISS: Jill Roberts
I LEARN: By doing
I NEED: money
I THINK: I might want to go to grad school for Library Sciences

FIRSTS...
First piercing: Ears
First credit card: Victoria's Secret
First band I liked: The Beach Boys
Last long car ride: Up to NYC
Last movie seen: Memiors of a Geisha (your only hope of enjoying this movie is if you HAVEN'T read the book)
Last food consumed: Chipotle burrito bowl
Last phone call: To my friend, Kevin
Last CD played: the one my friend Chase made me
Last drink drank: coke at lunch
Last time scolded: Can't remember

SHORT ANSWER...
I AM: Ready to leave work but not really looking forward to dinner at my dad's house tonight
I WANT: to travel more
I HAVE: a lot of friends
I WISH: that I would meet someone...
I WONDER: where I will be in a year
I ALWAYS: Wear moisturizer
I DANCE: Whenever I can
I SING: well
I CRY: more often than I used to
I AM NOT ALWAYS: talkative
I WRITE: more and more often
I WIN: trivia games, not sports
I LOSE: nothing. I can't stand losing things (I mean, actual things. It pisses me off.)
I SHOULD: have more patience with my father

FAVORITES...
NUMBER: 9
COLOR(S): yellow and purple
DAYS: Sunday
MONTH: October
SONG(S): that's impossible for me to pick
DRINK: Vodka gimlet, and wine of course

IN THE LAST 2 DAYS, HAVE YOU...
CRIED? No
HELPED SOMEONE? Yes
GOTTEN SICK? No
GONE TO THE MOVIES? No
SAID 'I Love you'? No
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: No
TALKED TO AN EX? No
MISSED AN EX? no
WRITTEN IN A DIARY? Does this count?
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? Yes
HUGGED SOMEONE?: Yes

Going to the gym before work, day 2

My alarm went off at 5:58 and I groggily hit snooze. It took me a few minutes to figure out why it was going off so early and then I remembered - I had sworn that I would go to the gym before work today.

Motivating myself to go to the gym is never easy. I've tried bribing myself with the promise of making French Vanilla coffee as a treat for when I'm getting ready for work with moderate success. Sometimes it helps to envision how fun it will be to fit back into the several pairs of size 4 pants that I can no longer wear.

But the thing that works more often than anything else is when I think about what a waste the $40 that is coming out of my bank account monthly is going to be if I never get my butt there. $40 that could go to sushi dinners, or cute shirts, or kitchen gadgets. Yep, that's the way to really motivate a babe on a budget like me - threaten her with the thought of wasting money.

So it was harder to get up this morning, but just like yesterday once I was up it was fine. I'm annoyed at my own wimpiness in the mornings - usually I can go for 30 minutes on the eliptical, but this morning I was absolutely maxed out at 15. UGH. I'm allowing myself a bit of leniency since I'm not used to working out first thing in the morning, and will be working towards making it to at least 25 minutes.

Baby steps, I guess. I've already taken the huge step of committing the money every month and then dragging myself out of bed, and figure that even if I can only handle 15 minutes in the morning that something is better than nothing. And even though I'm sure to be in bed really early tonight, I feel good about the fact that I went.

Oh, what a girl will do to get back and then keep her trim waistline! *Sigh*

And that's how Erin met her husband...

I was quite bored today at work, until I saw this.

So then my ego inflated and I thought, hey, I'm funny.

And then I wrote this:

Well, it’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s and everyone is bored at work. So what does that lead to? Lots of web surfing. And what does that lead to? Actually responding to things like Sean Lennon’s plea for a girlfriend on Page Six.

I happened to notice that I fit all of the stipulations that he laid out. No fifth nipples or anything. I mean, I do have a third eye in the back of my head, but he didn't mention anything about that, so I figure I'm safe. It just so happens that I took an IQ test a few months ago - 136. WHEW. Smart enough to be able to keep up and make interesting conversation at cocktail parties, but not so smart that I'll feel the need to lock myself in my room and can't relate to the rest of society, like John Nash or something. Most people say that I'm attractive, and I've been told that many cultures actually find moustaches on women to be HOT. I'm 26, which fits neatly into the desired age range, and how's this for kindhearted? I carry around granola bars in my glove compartment to give to homeless people, figuring that I'd rather give them food than money. *Sigh* I'm just so sweet.

Now certainly I cannot promise to actually become Sean Lennon's girlfriend. I mean, how do I know that they guy is even remotely interesting? Frankly, the Page Six plea does seem a bit odd and leads me to one of two conclusions: 1) He's just joking and is actually a pretty funny guy, or 2) he is hopelessly co-dependent, which I find frightening. I don't need a man who freaks out when I go shopping by myself or come in wasted after a night of sushi and Champagne with my girlfriends. Plus, in your picture he had a beard, and I hate facial hair.

But, I am nothing if not open minded. So should he be interested in going on a date, catching a movie, or, oh I don't know... writing a song pledging his eternal love for the three-eyed girl, go ahead and give him my email address. Should I get a response, I will send back a picture to prove that I am actually quite pretty.

Happy New Year, and here's hoping that next year brings more actual work for me to do at my job!

Erin

And then I actually sent it. What the hell was I thinking? Oh well. I haven't seen the peacock in a while, so perhaps this incident will provide a new ongoing saga that I can write about. The whole thing could end up being very "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton".

An unusual either/or

Yesterday after Christmas dinner my stepbrother's wife pulled me aside.

"Can I speak with you for a few minutes?"

"Of course. What's up?"

"There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. I have cervical cancer. I've known for a while, but we don't have health insurance and medicare won't pick me up. Without treatment they're giving me three to five years."

"Oh my God, Angela."

"I know. But there's something I want to ask you. When I die, will you take care of Ozzy and Draven? I want you to be their godmother and make sure that they get a good education and are exposed to culture. You're so smart and sophisticated, and I don't want them to be brought up like rednecks. Will you please take care of them?"

Ozzy is two and a half and Draven is eight months old. They are two of the sweetest, cutest, most affectionate boys you'll ever meet. My stepbrother and Angela scrape by to make ends meet off of his income as a tattoo artist. He's incredibly talented, but they've never been good with money. Angela was raised in foster care and has had a rough life for sure - but she stretches the truth a lot, and you can never really tell what really happened and what she's just saying out of insecurity or to make herself look better.

For instance, the night before on a run to the store she had told my father that she was a child prodigy on the piano and used to play with one of the members of ZZ Top.

"Of course I'll take care of them. I'm honored that you asked me, and I don't want you to worry about a thing." We hugged.

As my shock wore off, I started to think about what had just happened. How long had she known about this? Why had my stepmother never said anything about it to me? Three to five years seems like a long life expectancy for someone who has cervical cancer that is going untreated, I had always heard that that was one of the worst kinds you could get.

As soon as they left, I questioned my stepmother.

"Oh, the cervical cancer thing. Yeah, she's been saying that she has that for the last two years. And from the research that I've done on it, someone who has it and lets it go untreated wouldn't live for more than a year. She mentioned wanting you to be the guardian about six months ago, but I figured she had forgotten about it by now. Who knows what the real truth is, but I seriously doubt that's it."

So let's sum up:

EITHER I will basically inherit two children in the next few years...

OR a pathological liar just feigned a disease and asked if I would raise her kids the way she had always wanted to be raised.

Don't ask - I can't imagine why someone would do that. If something were to really happen to her, I would gladly do all that I could to help with those great kids. But let's put it this way - I'm not exactly starting college funds and shopping for strollers just yet.

God bless us, every one.

My tree...





















New ornament, present from Mom....



















All pictures taken with my brand new camera!

Christmas Eve

"Erin, come in here. There's something I want you to taste," my grandfather's wife said. "Our neighbor makes his own wine in his garage!"

"Ok," I called back in my best sing-songy fake voice. I gulped and headed into the kitchen. There it was in little jugs with homemade labels on the front - really cute. The thing is, I actually love stuff like this - in theory. But that doesn't mean that I want to be forced to drink the crap.

"My kids thought it was a lot better if you poured some Mountain Dew into it," she said. This will go down in the record books as one of the scariest things I've ever heard someone say referring to wine.

I poured myself a bit and swirled, out of habit, not necessity. Small sip. It was gross of course. Sweet and syrupy - kinda like an Oloroso Sherry, but obviously not as balanced. Everyone gathered around and started pouring themselves little tastes of it, then splashed Sprite into their glasses and declared that, well damn, that was pretty good!

My favorite uncle leaned into me and muttered, "So, are you going to review this wine?" into my ear. I smiled the sly smile that I keep reserved for only those who would actually appreciate it, raised my left eyebrow and said, "I don't think there's a category for Concord grapes." He grinned.

Family is great, and even better when there's at least one person in the bunch who gets you.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

How glad am I...

That I don't live here anymore???



And I thought that surviving the blackout of '03 was bad!

What I want

Sometimes I'm sure that I know.

2.3, house in the cool part of the city, rich husband to take care of me, SUV.

Then I change my mind.

A year in France, teaching English and reading in cafes.

A job as a school librarian instilling the young and vulnerable with the importance of reading and opening their minds to the possibilities it can bring to you. Not to mention the summers off.

To be back in New York. Successful career woman, always looking and acting fabulous.

And sometimes what I want is exactly what I have. So-so job in comfy Richmond, lots of friends, the opportunity to do theatre when I want to and the contacts to dabble in the wine world when I feel like it.

This weekend I an old fling spent the night. Not much happened - one thing I know that DON'T want is to be someone's random hookup - but it was nice to wake up with someone there. To have someone to chat with in the morning, and bring me water. Do go get coffee with.

So I guess the one thing that I know that I do want is someone to be with. But the longer I go without someone, the harder it is to imagine someone ever being there. So I try to fight that.

Wherever my imagination and dreams take me, I must to be sure to picture someone by my side.

Geez, I hope she's ok...

Guys, I'm very concerned about Ashlee Simpson.

But wouldn't it be GREAT if she were pregnant or something?

I hate Christmas

Wait, that's not true.

I hate Christmas shopping.

Wait, that's not true.

I hate that my bank account is diminishing while I'm Christmas shopping. Yes, there we go.

I have enough money that I can Christmas shop, for sure. But not enough money that I don't cringe a little bit every time I buy a present. Today I spent about $90 on Christmas related things. All good and reasonably priced things, for sure, but it stung a bit nonetheless.

But it honestly is fun thinking of and buying things for the people that I love, and the good news is, I got all of my stepparent shopping done. Now the only step-duties left include one stepniece and two stepnephews. When did my family get so big???

Ahhh, how I long for the days when money is not a concern. One day, one day.

I am a winner

What the fuck am I going to do with this???

Hello Erin,

My name is Theresa from American Laser Centers. You entered into our contest online and were chosen as a winner! You have won a $300 coupon that you may use towards any of our laser hair removal or skin rejuvenation packages. To redeem this prize, I will need to schedule you for a free consultation. You will meet with our clinic manager who will explain to you the services that we provide, answer all your questions and then discuss with you how you would like to apply your coupon. To set this up, please provide the following information:

Full name
Phone number(s)
Complete address
Closest clinic
Time and day desired
Service most interested in

Congratulations Erin, I look forward to hearing from you!

Best,
Theresa Johnson
Client Inquiry Representative
American Laser Centers
americanlaser.com

Mr. Peacock takes a break

Every morning this week, Mr. Peacock has been sitting outside the door that I enter into, waiting for me to get in. I think that's nice of him. I guess he didn't get very much sleep last night, because this morning he was kinda laying down on the job. It's ok with me. I mean, I appreciate that he's looking out for me, but he doesn't have to stand at attention or anything. (In this picture you can also see me in the window. Ha ha - I guess I'm not such a good photographer with my little camera phone.)

Letting go

I've made the decision to stop being obsessed with the idea of getting back together with my ex-boyfriend.

It's the sense of security that I felt when I was with him. It's the way I knew that I could trust him (even if I proved that he couldn't really trust me - at least not with his heart). It's the way we made each other laugh. It's the way he held my hand. It's the way he wrote to me every day when we were in college. It's the way I knew I could call him whenever I wanted to.

It's not him that I want - it's that kind of relationship that I crave. The same sense of mutual respect and adoration, mixed with the same kinds of goals and values.

I feel comfortable in letting the idea of him go, because I feel strongly that what I want is coming to me. Soon. And I'm excited about it.

Mr. Peacock has a past

A rather upset woman knocked on the window of my office mate and motioned for her to come outside. When she got there, she was informed that this woman wanted her peacock back.

Apparently, Mr. Peacock used to reside in and about an office complex a bit down the road from us. He lived there in relative peace for about 5 years when a few weeks ago he somehow got chased by a dog. He flew the coop, and decided to head for sunnier pastures - our pastures.

And now this woman, who works in the other office complex, wants him back. I have no idea how she planned on going about getting him back, but he is missed over there and they would like the opportunity to feed him and gawk at him some more. I'm not sure how the situation was resolved, but this morning Mr. Peacock was sitting outside my window waiting for me to get in to work so that he could ask how my weekend was. I guess he's staying with us after all.

Hearing about his dog trauma struck a cord in my coniving heart. Instead of plotting to pluck a feather off of him, perhaps now I'll switch my concentration to trying to find one that has already fallen off.

Waking up in dreams, going to sleep in life

"I haven't told you about The Process?"

No.

I had started it. I mentioned an article that I had read that basically said that you can completly change your life by waking up every day and thinking in a positive attitude. Knowing that things will go well will somehow make it happen. The idea fascinated me because, if nothing else, it was much more fun to walk around with a positive attitude rather than constantly thinking of unpleasant things.

She went on to describe The Process. Basically, you meditate about what you want in life, and it eventually appears. A relationship, a job, whatever. You wake up every day and give thanks to God, the Universe, yourself, whoever or whatever you believe in, for what you want as if you already have it.

I decided it was worth a try.

So, I now wake up every day and concentrate on being excited about what is to come. Excited about the special relationship that, for all I know, could already be in the works. And you know what? It's fun! It gives me a tingle of excitement and a lift in my step to be able to enjoy the things in my present and look forward to even better things in the future. I like it.

But one thing that I've noticed changing is my sleep paterns. For one thing, it's taking me much longer to fall asleep at night. It's like as soon as my head hits the pillow my mind starts spewing all of the negative thoughts that I've been pushing aside by my daytime positive outlook. So I'm finding myself lying awake for an hour or more mulling over things that have angered me or saddened me lately. It's like I haven't had time to think about them during the day because I've been so consciously thinking about all of the great things and now that I'm tired my mind doesn't have as much control and defaults back to the unpleasantness.

So I lie there and work things out in my head until I fall asleep.

And interestingly enough, when I do go to sleep I dream of those wonderful things that I've been thinking about all day - the peace in relationships, the comfort of a family of my own, and the security of love. It's been really nice.

So in the end I don't mind allowing my mind to work out the unpleasant stuff while I'm trying to fall asleep, because I know it will be worth it.

The peacock is in the doghouse

For those of you who have been worried about the peacock that has been wandering around my office complex lately - fear not, he will not be harmed by the snow. Some nice (or crazy) ladies at my office took the liberty of buying him a home...















We're not entirely sure whether or not he's been using it, but this morning when I got in, he was huddled by my window again with snow on his little tail feathers (which will one day be mine).

I'm telling you, he's OBSESSED with me. It's getting a little embarassing. Although, I always did want a man who was willing to make sacrifices for me. Sometimes you need to watch what you wish for.

Mr. Peacock tackles the snow

He's huddling outside one of the doors utilizing the overhang. I swear I saw him sneeze too. I feel bad for him today, so I'll take a break from scheming to get one of his feathers.

(Sorry the pic sucks.)

Yellow soup

Lately I've been taking soup for lunch. Last week it occured to me to make my own in my fabulous crockpot. Here's what I came up with:

Chicken
Egg noodles
Chicken stock
White wine
Corn
White beans
Yellow onion
Garlic
Dill

Basically I took everything that I had in my pantry with no real uses for and threw it in in whatever quantities that struck me. Coincidentally, everything is pretty much the same color. It is simmering now and smells GREAT!

Yay! I'm one of those people who can throw together a recipe.

Countdown to Grey's Anatomy: 3 hours and 40 minutes

Something(s)

I have a very nice man who has been flirting with me lately. Here are the obstacles:

• He has a girlfriend (technically)
• He is basically my company's biggest client
• We have all been sent strongly worded e-mails discouraging us from spending time with his company socially
• He's leaving town in two weeks

Why is it always something(s)???

Good things are coming to me... Good things are coming to me...

This peacock is obsessed with me...

He's been standing outside my desk window all morning preening himself.

Mark my words - I'm gonna get me one of those feathers.

Awww...

I'm such a cheesehead, but this story made my heart melt!!!

First, the thought of my kitty being stuck in a box for a month makes me want to cry. Then the thought of her getting escorted home and looking out the plane window like this kitty makes my heart swell with pride.

Evoking emotion from the reader - that's good journalism, people.

Pretty as a...

This is the peacock that lives in the woods behind our office and has taken to wandering around our buildings. No joke.

Cool, huh?

I'm not sure if he has a name yet. Or if he does, he hasn't told anyone.

Bullet: bitten

Yesterday, for the first time in 2 years, I joined a gym. Bring on the Pilates and Spinning classes!!! All hurrah to the return of my flat stomach!! No more feeling like a sausage in my Sevens!!

Now I won't have to feel guilty when I go to Chipolte.

Being proactive like that does amazing things for your psyche. By the end of yesterday I was in a much better mood than I was at the beginning of yesterday.