Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Missing Undies

How is it that the last two times I’ve done laundry I’ve lost underwear? And is it coincidental that each pair has happened to be one that I currently have in heavy rotation? Why can’t I suddenly realizing that one of my pairs of Grannies is missing? Instead, it’s two of my most valuable. (I rank value of underwear not by dollar spent, but by what I wear them with. These are both pairs that can be worn under white pants and/or skirts, which make them prime commodities during the summer.)

So let’s explore this. Two possibilities:
Somewhere between my apartment, the washer/dryer, and back to my apartment they, unbeknownst to me, leapt out of my basket and made a run for it. Ran far away in search of a world where there are no tight jeans to suffocate them, no menstrual leaks to stain them, no overzealous men to cast them off and mistreat them.
They were stolen out of the dryer. Stolen by someone who has been lusting after me in some weird, perverted way, and they are now being held hostage under the pillow of some creepy old man. (Or maybe they are being held hostage by the hot Red Jeep Guy who lives upstairs, which would actually be totally fine with me.)

True, this is a mystery that is not exclusive to me, and has been unsolved for many years. I know that millions of socks the world over have disappeared in the same baffling way, but that does not comfort me when I am in the midst of a frenzied search for white underwear to wear under my favorite pale yellow skirt.


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