Sunday, February 05, 2006

"Dream" du Jour

It's fairly widely known to the people in my life that my current career path is, well, less than 100% satisfactory. I go through ups and downs, of course - in fact lately has been an up period and I'm not nearly so miserable as I was during my Self-Imposed Seclusion (see January archives) - but the fact remains that doing this kind of work is not how I would choose to live out the rest of my days.

When I talk to people about it, they ask me what I would "really love to do?" In other words, what is your dream?

Um... shit, I'm not sure.

Yeah, there are some alternative ideas that I've kicked around, but most of them have just occurred to me in the last year or so. And they're just that - ideas. I don't think that any of them really qualify as a "dream". They're all just things that I think would be cool, not burning desires that I feel my life would be incomplete if I don't accomplish.

To further complicate things, I'm very happy with my life right now, with the slight exception of my job situation. I can honestly say that there is nothing else I would change. But some of the ideas that I have kicked around - getting a masters in Library Sciences, living abroad for a year, or moving back to New York to do wine marketing - would require major life changes that, frankly, I have no desire to make right now. And then there are the ideas that just plain don't know how to make happen - like writing for a food and wine magazine.

So I've got an interesting dilemma here - not currently happy with my career, yet not necessarily willing to make huge strides to change the situation. Does that make me lazy or unmotivated? I don't think so. I think it just makes me confused. And I'm not willing to turn my lovely life upside down on something that just qualifies as an "idea that I'm throwing around".

But at the same time, I don't want to remain in this state of limbo for too much longer - not gettin' any younger, and all that jazz. It's just that in the past whenever I've made big decisions I've always been sure without a doubt that that was what I wanted to do. Right now I'm not sure about anything, so I'd rather hang tight in a not-so-bad situation, even if it's not what I want to do forever, until I figure some things out.

Good plan.


Blogger Jake said...

Carpe diem...

9:14 PM  
Anonymous Kaye said...

What can I is not that easy and my older generation did not really have the time to try to find what we wanted, we jumped in and found our life work........probably due to making ends meet paying bills your blogs and the youthfullness of it all.........Good Luck and will keep reading to see whee you go........Kaye...

2:20 AM  
Anonymous Lanahan said...

I think you should move to Santa Barbara and work at a winery.
It's paradise.
Also, I'm looking to expand the list of friends I know from the East coast who live out here that I don't keep in touch with.

3:52 PM  

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