You're trying too hard
"I just want to fit in with everyone."
DG, we've all heard you say this several times by now. And sadly, therein lies the problem.
Most people clue in to the fact that the harder you try to get someone, or a group of someones, to like you, the deeper your self-dug grave gets. Your uncomfortably loud laugh at comments that aren't even funny becomes obnoxious. Your overuse of words like "sweetie" and "honey" starts to sound like nails on a chalkboard. Your, while perhaps well-meaning, severely misguided advice falls on completely deaf ears. Your constant attempts at mimicking phrases or patterns that you have observed come off as desperate.
It's completely unpleasant for everyone involved. The people who are being annoyed are, first of all, constantly being annoyed. Then they are constantly feeling bad for the eye-rolls, constantly trying to brace themselves for whatever will come out of your mouth next, constantly gossiping, and then constantly trying to brainstorm ideas that will make the situation better and make you calm down. Because they don't want to behave that way towards you. This office dynamic isn't fun for them either. But they can't help it because you are driving them CRAZY.
And we can't even comprehend how miserable it must be for you. Because you're not stupid. You have to be getting some sense of the fact that all of your efforts just aren't paying off. And you must have been pretty uncomfortable in the first place to have launched this full on make-them-like-me campaign.
All of this could probably come to an end if you would just stop trying so hard. Why are you so hell bent on getting these people to like you anyway? Who cares what they think of you? You don't know these people - and if you keep going like this, you never will. You have a much better shot at it if you'd just chill the fuck out and let these friendships form naturally.
You can't force it. No matter how hard you try. So just stop. Before they kill you. Or find a way to get you fired.
DG, we've all heard you say this several times by now. And sadly, therein lies the problem.
Most people clue in to the fact that the harder you try to get someone, or a group of someones, to like you, the deeper your self-dug grave gets. Your uncomfortably loud laugh at comments that aren't even funny becomes obnoxious. Your overuse of words like "sweetie" and "honey" starts to sound like nails on a chalkboard. Your, while perhaps well-meaning, severely misguided advice falls on completely deaf ears. Your constant attempts at mimicking phrases or patterns that you have observed come off as desperate.
It's completely unpleasant for everyone involved. The people who are being annoyed are, first of all, constantly being annoyed. Then they are constantly feeling bad for the eye-rolls, constantly trying to brace themselves for whatever will come out of your mouth next, constantly gossiping, and then constantly trying to brainstorm ideas that will make the situation better and make you calm down. Because they don't want to behave that way towards you. This office dynamic isn't fun for them either. But they can't help it because you are driving them CRAZY.
And we can't even comprehend how miserable it must be for you. Because you're not stupid. You have to be getting some sense of the fact that all of your efforts just aren't paying off. And you must have been pretty uncomfortable in the first place to have launched this full on make-them-like-me campaign.
All of this could probably come to an end if you would just stop trying so hard. Why are you so hell bent on getting these people to like you anyway? Who cares what they think of you? You don't know these people - and if you keep going like this, you never will. You have a much better shot at it if you'd just chill the fuck out and let these friendships form naturally.
You can't force it. No matter how hard you try. So just stop. Before they kill you. Or find a way to get you fired.
posted by Erin at
6:17 PM
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