Saturday, June 24, 2006


"Huh? Why are you leaving? Is it because I'm a bad person?" TB Player was still half asleep.

Sigh. "No. I just can't sleep. I want to go home. Wanna come lock the door behind me?"

I couldn't really explain it, but I didn't want to be there. Lying in the bed with a body pressed up against me was nice, but the thought of waking up and having him do nothing but mumble grumpily, or worse, say something downright insulting, was more than I could bear.

There has been a shift.

I'm not sure why. Is TB Player showing his true colors, or is the boredom of his summer break manifesting itself in a negative way?

He says I'm too sensitive. I can't take a joke. I know that that's not true.

The more I try to explain to him that I don't like listening to him put himself down all of the time, the more he does it. The more he calls me sensitive, the worse I react to every negative comment he makes.

I'm clinging to the way it was in the beginning - fun, excited about each other, treating each other like gold... it was so easy. I really quickly felt like I could depend on him, and definitely recognized how valuable it was to find someone that I was so comfortable with.

I don't know where to go from here. I'm exhausted, and while the idea of being single again doesn't exactly thrill me - it was nice to have someone to hang out with every night - there is a weird sort of relief associated with it too. I'm good at taking care of myself.

But am I giving up too easily? Relationships take work, right? Isn't that what they say? By defaulting back to singlehood am I just dooming myself to always be alone?

"Pet the kitty for me when you get home..." he mumbled as I slipped out the door at 2am.



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home