Monday, December 31, 2007

Half bottle of Champagne

A few years ago, on the Eve of what would be my last New Year's living in New York, a good friend shared some wisdom. We were talking about our New Year's Eve plans, and I confided something shocking -

"Well, I'm supposed to go to a party with some friends tonight, but honestly, I just want to stay home with half a bottle of Champagne and have a quiet evening in. But is it bad to pass up party plans for an evening of solitude?"

"No! Do whatever you want. You know," he mused, "I've always seen New Year's Eve as a kinda precursor to your year ahead. If you go out partying, you'll probably party a lot that year. If you stay in, maybe it will end up being a quiet year. You've got a lot going on in your head right now, and you're making some big decisions. I think that it's completely apropos to stay in and celebrate you tonight."

"Hmmm... I like that idea." And I resolved to take his advice.

But around 6:00 that night I got an invite to another party - one with lots of drinks, and fun boys. And I caved. The night ended up being a completely drunken charade, that was surely fun, but not as centered and contemplative as I had perhaps hoped. Oh well, I thought at the time, it was obviously what I needed. Most New Year's since have been similar - a mad dash to find good plans, and ending up in situations that were ultimately - to say the least - unfulfilling.

Here I am, four years later, and in the past few months I have tapped into a new source of strength - myself. 2007 has been challenging and wonderful at all once. I've made realizations about family. I've severed relationships. I've faced health problems. I've made new friends. I've enriched relationships with others. I've kicked ass at work. I've had my heart broken. I've stood up for myself. I've been un- and lucky. I've read a lot and explored new ideas. I've realized that I have done what I came home to do, and that it's time to move on.

I don't know how much longer I will be staying in Virginia, but I do know that it won't be forever. The next few months will be largely about exploring other options, and figuring out which path I will trod down next.

So this year, to ground myself for the important months to come, after an early dinner with family I will be returning home to read, meditate a bit, write, and ponder. Oh, and drink the half bottle of Champagne that is currently chilling in the refrigerator, just for me. This is a celebratory night after all, and I am finally in the place where I feel comfortable celebrating myself.

Cheers, everyone.


Anonymous Eggnoger said...

I watched reruns of Frasier. Then went to bed.

11:17 AM  

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