Really home

Tonight I smoked a cigarette.

I don't do that very often. Only in really situations. Like when I'm really drunk. Or really nerve-wracked. Or really needing something to cling to.

Today I've been really all day. I can't even put into words really what. Really stressed? Yeah. Really confused? Maybe. Really down-trodden. Sure, that too. I've been completely on edge for various reasons, and nothing felt right all day.

But then I came home.

Which is weird, because I didn't go home. I went to my boss's boyfriend's condo in Napa, where everyone randomly convened after various long days of crap. I'm staying here because I had to work in Napa this afternoon and tomorrow morning, and it just didn't make sense for me to drive an hour home in between. That's the cool thing about my life here - I can always come and stay. I've landed myself in a community of people that are like a little family for me. I know I can always invite myself for dinner if I want to, know that I will always be welcome, that there will always be a bed and a glass of wine waiting, if I want them.

So after this ridiculously stressful day I came here, bummed a cigarette, dug into the pizza that someone brought, watched the people swirl around me, participated in a few conversations, and actually unwound. I now feel at peace. And at home. And I know that everything will be ok.

Really.