NYC & Me

I have a love/hate relationship with this city.

Things I love:
Excitement
Seeing famous people
How cool it sounds to say "I live in New York."
The diversity
The amount of reading you can get done on the subway


Things I hate:
Claustrophobia (which I don't usually have a problem with)
Feeling completely inadequate if I don't look hot at all times
Being crammed onto the subway like a sardine
No malls
People who are too career-obsessed to have a life

The reason that all of this is coming up right now is that I am going to NY this weekend for a bachelorette extravaganza for my best friend. I'm completely torn between being very excited for the festivities that I orchestrated, and being nervous about being back in the city. The expense, the HEAT, the competition... it all seems too much for me right now.

When I was 23, I was psyched for it all. Bring it on! Now, at the ripe old age of 26, it just seems exhausting. Why should one be forced to be "on" all of the time? Why is relaxing such a bad thing?

*Sigh* Sometimes I long for the kinetic energy of the city, for the feeling of intense power that I had when I felt like I really BELONGED there, like I really owned it. But most of the time, I am completely content to be back down South, where I still meet interesting people, where I can sit on a porch and enjoy a beautiful day, and where I can wear a simple cotton skirt all summer long.

I wonder, am I growing apathetic and lazy, morphing into one of those people that I always swore against and resented? Or am I simply growing up, and realizing that it's OK to slow down a little bit and not feel the need to be cool all of the time?