Atonement

I just sent an e-mail to my high school boyfriend apologizing to him for how I treated him when we were breaking up.

I've felt bad about it for a long time. We really had something special, and the older I get the more I realize how rare that is to find. But I was 18 years old at the time, fresh off of my parent's divorce, and had no idea what I wanted out of my life.

For the last few years I've e-mailed him every once in a while, just curious about what he's been up to, and also hoping for some kind of window to open up for me to throw my apology into. He usually responds politely once or twice, and then it stops. I finally decided to stop waiting for the window that would never come, and to just do it. I'm hoping for some kind of closure/release feeling. Right now I'm a bit too fresh off of the experience to be getting that. In fact, I actually feel a bit nauseated, but hopefully in time the closure/release will come.

I know that I did the right thing. Hopefully he will understand, and not think I'm psycho.