Brilliant Idea

I want to be supportive of my alma mater in these difficult times. I really do. And how do Americans show their support? With huge tacky car magnets, duh. However, I'm just not all that excited about having a big, obnoxious castrated turkey slapped on the back of my pretty new baby. So when I saw a few vehicles parading around town recently with modest little VT emblems that are only about two inches high, I became green with envy. They were cute, understated and modest, yet getting the point across. (The point being, "I went here, and I loved every minute of it. How could this have happened? I'm so upset. Let's all go to Macado's and get some con queso.")

So recently I have been on a mission. Whenever I am anywhere that might possibly carry school shwag, I look around for the little guys. They have been exceedingly elusive. Sports stores, card shops, mall kiosks, no one seems to carry them.

But a few weeks ago, when wandering through a local mall, a brilliant idea struck. It happened when I approached yet another kiosk.

"Excuse me, but do you have the little VT magnets?" I asked the gentleman who was perched on the stool.

"Now what do you want one of those fo'?"

"Uh..."

"Cause they gonna steal it. They gonna steal one of those!"

"Who? Who's... um... gonna steal what?"

"Missy, you get one of those magnets and it'll be gone offa yo' car in a week. Yep. Now let me tell you what you should get..."

"Oh, geez. No thanks sir."

"Naw, naw, this'll just take a minute. See, what you need is this here emblem..."

"Really, it's ok," I quipped, walking away quickly enough to probably be deemed rude.

Then it hit me. I know how to get a magnet! Next time I see one on someone's car, I'll just steal it. Thanks for the great idea, sir!

Insatiable

New on my nightstand, this book is delectable. Such a perfect marriage of food and sex talk... yum! Any foodie would love it.

I mean, the first chapter is a short and scintillating recount of the time the author had a one night stand with Elvis Presley, complete with what he ordered from room service afterwards. Hot.

Getting the cheek

Sitting on my back patio sipping a red Burgundy after a first date at a baseball game, he suddenly leaned forward.

"Come here, you've got something on your nose," he said, trying to pull me towards him.

"No, I don't think I do," a poor attempt at coy.

"Come here, let me just see..." softly leaning forward. He got the cheek. Big time.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I stammered. "It's not that I don't want to kiss you, I just really want to take things slow. Get to know each other, ya know?"

"Sure, sure. That's fine, really." His resilience seemed sincere.

It had to come out sometime. About twenty minutes later, I gave him the skeleton version of my last dating war, and tried to explain that in an attempt to learn a lesson from the situation, I have vowed to take things slowly from now on. I hoped he understood.

"Nope, that's totally fine. And I'm glad I know more about where you are coming from now. Finding someone you can just hang out with is the most important thing in a relationship, so let's figure that out. But I would like to hold your hand."

I acquiesced.

Still not sure if he was BS-ing or not. I guess only time will tell. I will say, though, that it was cute when he offered to give me a list of names and phone numbers of friends, ex-girlfriends, and family members who would vouch for him.

Please tell me...

... that you have all seen this.

(I would post the video directly onto this page, but am too incompetent to figure out how.)

Bravo!

New seasons of Top Chef and Kathy Griffin's "My Life on the D List", plus a reality show about Paula Abdul????

(contented sigh)

I may never leave the house again.

Snipets from a phone conversation with college friend

Friend: Hey, remember the time when we were obsessed with the Backstreet Boys for like six months, and the four of us used to not go out because we were at home watching tapes of their concerts? Dude, we were obsessed with them.

Me: Yeah, we would get genuinely annoyed when the guys would call and be like "Why aren't you girls at the party?" because they were interrupting our tape watching!

Um, yeah! Remember the time the four of us made a video that we were going to send to Rosie O'Donnell, hoping that she would somehow introduce us to them on her show??

Ha!! Yeah!!! We had all of these plans, like we were going to go around campus interviewing people about what they thought about the Backstreet Boys. Then we each did our own separate interviews about why we had chosen our favorite one, and what we could say to him if we could meet them.

Yeah! And in yours you were like "I think Nick would really love me because I have big boobs. And I study opera." HA HA!!!

Yeah. Wow. I really did do that. I think I actually sang on the tape too. Wow.

Yeah you did!! Remember how we would tape ourselves watching the concerts, because we thought we could use it in the video, then we would watch the tapes of ourselves watching the concerts!

HA! How embarrassing.

Totally!! And then I felt sorry for Brian because he had that heart condition. HA!

Dude, remember the concert?

HA!!! I remember you flicking off that lady driving a mini-van full of kids in the parking lot!!

She was a total bitch!

Yeah.

Remember how we seriously yelled at those 13 year old girls because they were blocking our view?

HA! Remember how the guys dressed up as the Backstreet Boys for Halloween and we went nuts for them???

Dude, how could I forget? That was the night I was dressed up as Christina Aguliera and I got so drunk on jungle juice that I threw up and then passed out in someone else's bed. And there are pictures of me licking our friend because he was dressed up as Nick Carter.

Oh, college...

Yeah, college... And then the next year I got genuinely mad at you for telling me that you were starting to like N'Sync better.

What can I say? Bye, Bye, Bye was a great song.