Atonement

I just sent an e-mail to my high school boyfriend apologizing to him for how I treated him when we were breaking up.

I've felt bad about it for a long time. We really had something special, and the older I get the more I realize how rare that is to find. But I was 18 years old at the time, fresh off of my parent's divorce, and had no idea what I wanted out of my life.

For the last few years I've e-mailed him every once in a while, just curious about what he's been up to, and also hoping for some kind of window to open up for me to throw my apology into. He usually responds politely once or twice, and then it stops. I finally decided to stop waiting for the window that would never come, and to just do it. I'm hoping for some kind of closure/release feeling. Right now I'm a bit too fresh off of the experience to be getting that. In fact, I actually feel a bit nauseated, but hopefully in time the closure/release will come.

I know that I did the right thing. Hopefully he will understand, and not think I'm psycho.

Other people's mistakes

My stepsister and her husband are selling their house. Their beautiful, old, charming house in the heart of Richmond. They don't like it because, despite the extensive renovations, it does not have all of the modern amenities of those boring suburban homes that -

DAMNIT!!! I've got to get a computer at home. I simply cannot keep trying to sneak in blog time at work. I keep getting interrupted.

Morning surprise

It started off as a normal morning, but around 9:15 I was treated to a surprise. The last few weeks we've been short one reception at work, so those of us who are able have been filling in when necessary. No big deal. So today the higher-ups decided to reward us with a great basket filled with a $50 gift certificate to the best mall in town, nice hand lotion, a Yankee candle, cute little magnet, and LOTS of chocolate.

Yay!! I'll admit it, I can totally be bought. Some people might consider covering phones to be beneath them. Not me. Not when it counts as overtime and comes with $100 gift baskets as a reward.

Just another Friday night

Last night was busy, full of friends, and fun. It started out with dinner at Comfort with Chase and a few of his friends. Chase is an interesting guy, and his friends are always an eclectic bunch. The food was great, the company pleasing. But alas, I had to leave this group around 10:00 to go downtown and hear a band play.

Copper Sails is a band that has been around the Virginia bar and college circuit for about ten years. They are a middle of the road, Pat McGee-ish band made up of guys who all have real jobs, but just love to play music. My friend's fiance, Boomer, is the bass player and lead singer. Hot. I had been wanting to hear them play for a while and finally got my chance. It promised to be a good time since most of our friends were supposed to come.

And they did. Everyone was there. Even a past fling of mine, who is still incredibly sexy (and unfortunately incredibly scattered). Looking around at my friends in the growing crowd, I felt happy and content. I know good people. And little did I know that a surprise was coming my way...

"Hey, Erin," I heard as a handsome, dark-haired man ducked into my view.

"Hi!" I chirped, recognizing him immediately. D is a psychologist, who I met a few weeks back on a boring Tuesday night at Stella's. She-J was bartending, and it was a slow night, so I responded to her pleading text messages by coming down to have a glass of wine at the bar. He was there doing the same, and we started chatting and ended up talking for a few hours. We have a lot in common, he was handsome and smart. The evening ended with just a little bit of, "Well, I guess I'll see you around," but no real promises. Which was fine, I wasn't looking to rush into anything. I hadn't seen him since, but I'd definitely thought about him a few times, so I was very pleased that he crashed my night.

"I was at Stella's a little earlier and she-J told me you'd all be down here," he explained. So here it goes again, we spent the entire evening chatting and hanging out with my friends. Everyone got along, and it was a great night. You've got to give credit to a man who can step into a crowd of amatuer theatre people and hold his own.

It'll be interesting to see if D makes another surprise appearance...

Other blogs

So in my recent skirmish to move to San Francisco, I've decided that I'd like to start reading blogs of people who live there to try to get an idea of what life there is like.

I know that no one really reads this blog, but if someone does, and knows of a blog by someone who lives in SF, would you send me a link?

Not long after I moved to NYC I bought a container of mace. For some reason I thought it was a good idea. I carried it around for about two weeks then threw it in a desk drawer and never really thought of it again. After I had lived there for a bit I never once felt unsafe.

Here in Richmond I've been robbed twice. And now there is a missing VCU student. It doesn't look good. The case is getting national attention. This weekend they found her missing car about a mile from my apartment. She's probably dead.

I'm starting to really feel unsafe in my neighborhood, which is a very foreign feeling for me. Last night I walked to a nearby bar to meet friends - which I do all of the time. But last night something was different.

Before I left I dug into that same desk drawer, found the mace, and dropped it into my purse.

Thoughts

• I can't blog with as much regularity as I'd like to b/c it's been getting really busy for me at work and b/c I don't have internet at home right now. There are many topics I'd like to expound on and just don't have the time. Maybe I should just slurge, spend the money, get internet at home and figure out how to make it work financially... it's just that I'd rather spend the money on clothes.
• I'm sick of the hot weather in VA. Fall is my favorite season. Sweaters. Leaves. Chills in the air. Red wine. Pumpkin flavored lattes. Bring it.
• I think I'm developing adult ADD - and I like it.
• I kinda want to move to San Francisco. I just don't want to do it alone. Anyone?
• Whenever things aren't going well in the romance department, I always pine away for my high school boyfriend. Is it because I really am in love with him and he is the one for me? Or am I just bored and regrettful of how badly I treated him when I ended things? It's just that I have never met anyone who gets me like he does, or treated me the way that he did, or was as fascinating to me as he was. What does it mean?
• I've been fighting with my Dad a lot lately. It makes me sad. I get so angry with him b/c I see him turning into his mother in the way he deals with things (or doesn't deal with things). I don't want to grow to resent him the way he and all of his siblings resent their mother, but he doesn't even seem to comprehend that. Viscious cycle, and difficult to tell who is to blame.

Staying in

Last night I went out. And got drunk. And it was a lot of fun. This morning was not. Not even because I was terribly hung over, but just because I slept too late and felt all discombobulated when I did wake up.

I must be getting old, but I'm coming to cherish the weekend mornings. I like when I haven't been out too late the night before and I can sleep a little longer than normal and wake up feeling refreshed. My favorite mornings are those when I wake up around 8:30 or 9, lazily get up, maybe make some coffee and spend the morning piddling around my apartment and getting things done. I'll go for a bike ride, or a walk with a friend, get the paper, maybe go grocery shopping... it feels great.

So to ensure that tomorrow morning will be like that, tonight I have decided to stay in. When I get done with the wine store around 8:30 I'm going to get some dinner, stop by Blockbuster, and have a nice leisurely evening at home. The only thing that makes this less than ideal is that when you live alone, a night in is usually a night ALONE. Which is sometimes nice, but can get lonely.

I need to concentrate on enjoying the me-time and not focus on the alone factor. Because I really do enjoy the me-time. Sometimes it's just so much easier to use it as an excuse for some good self-pity. Why is that? Why do we concentrate on the negative rather than the positive?

Maybe I'll ponder that tonight as I drift off to sleep - nice and early.

Pho-day Friday

In the fall and winter, Friday lunches turn into quite an exciting event at work. Everyone piles into their cars and drives the two miles to the neighborhood Vietnamese soup restaurant, aptly named Pho (pronounced 'fuh'). This is a lunch gathering that is looked forward to all week.

This morning is no exception. I woke up this morning to my cat chewing on my hair dryer cord, and one of the first thoughts in my mind was "Today is pho day!" I was instantly starving.

All morning I waited in eager anticipation of my lunchtime treat.

The soup that is the specialty of this restaurant is made up of a rich broth, lots of noodles, shaved beef, and lots of green onions. They bring you a plate of garnish which includes fresh basil, sliced peppers, spring onions, and fresh lime. On the table they have several different hot sauces and a bottle of some kind of sweet, thick soy sauce. The whole idea is to garnish as you please, make it sweet or spicy to your taste, and then dig in.

And it's messy. You end up dribbling the noodles all over your face and splashing the broth down your shirt. Once you are done, you retire back to work and promptly launch into the "pho coma" because you are so full and content. It is the absolute perfect antidote to the approaching cool weather.

As if there weren't enough reasons to look forward to Fridays. *Sigh*

Puke-worthy

I really hate to get political, but this is unreal.

Article

Labor Day weekend

Here are a few things that happened to me this weekend:

• My cat inadvertently put on a pair of my granny-panties and paraded around the apartment wearing them.
• A guy who I had known for about 4 hours whipped out his penis and asked me to watch him jerk off.
• I bought a pair of Nine West shoes for $9 at Steinmart. (Erin + shoe sales = :) )
• I got into a fight with my dad about President Bush and told him that if he kept talking that I would puke on my shoes and then leave before dinner was served.
• I met two VERY cute boys who are in the graduate theater program at VCU (dangerous).
• I took several naps.

All in all, it was a great weekend. Every day should be a "holiday".