Monday, January 07, 2008

That doesn't mean it's not hard...

Tonight I got home from an evening of seared tuna steaks and Monday night TV with a friend, and after checking email skipped over to a few of my favorite blogs. I found a post on Charming, but Single, that really moved me. She ran into an ex in the supermarket with his lame new girlfriend, and their newborn baby.

Over the last few years, I've dated... um... a lot of men. None of them have even come close to working out. Most were very short-lived, the longest lasting for a mere two months without even a declaration of exclusivity. Some of the mini-relationships have ended because of my choosing, some because of theirs. Some weren't a big deal, some were utter disasters. I've done my best to stay strong, and usually do a pretty good job. Actually, it's not even a job. I genuinely feel good about who I am, the position that I am in my life, and that I am not with these men, because I really do know deep down that some were not right for me, some came at the wrong time, and that some I should never have been involved with in the first place.

But that doesn't mean that it's not hard to think of them being with someone else when you're not. That doesn't mean that you don't break out into a cold sweat at the thought of bumping into some of them at a restaurant, or at the gym, or any other innocuous place that you may visit during a normal day. That doesn't mean that it doesn't make your face harden a bit to think that instead of you they have landed with someone who isn't as pretty, or doesn't have as much ambition, or doesn't treat them as well as you could have.

That doesn't mean that you're not over them, or that you haven't moved on. It just means that it's sometimes still hard. And that's human. And honest. And ok. And kinda beautiful, in a realistic way.

(Oh yeah, this is supposed to be a wine blog, right? Tonight we drank the 2005 Alamos Malbec from Mendoza, Argentina. I was happy he had picked it up because it had been a while since I had tried it. Just like I remembered - fruity, structured, easy to drink. Perfect with the seared tuna. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Fine holiday fun. (Travis Birkenstock, anyone?) )


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