Funk

Maybe it's the after-travel blues. Maybe it's because I've been fighting a chest cold. Maybe it's because I knew that all that was waiting for me at work was a day of printing things for people and making folders.

Whatever the reason, I had a hard time getting up this morning.

I'm starting to feel that familiar shade being drawn over my life. I know what is coming. I'll always be tired, not really feel like going out. I won't be able to pinpoint exactly why I feel like this, and will try several diversionary tactics to get myself out of it.

Probably what will eventually happen is that I'll make some huge change in my life, like move to a different city or change jobs. It will work for a while.

Maybe I just haven't ever found the one distraction that really helps. The one distraction that doesn't eventually become some kind of boring routine. But now it's seeming like the shade will always come back.

An act of Serendipaciousness?

This weekend I went to San Francisco. In the midst of hanging out with friends, eating more than my body weight at the Brazilian BBQ, shopping with Esh, and scoring free tastings in wine country (ha ha, being a professional pays off) I managed to squeeze in - LUNCH WITH MY HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND.

Yes, the high school boyfriend who I think I might still be in love with. Yes, the high school boyfriend who my mind and heart always go back to when I end something with anyone else. Yes, the high school boyfriend who I have recently regained contact with. Yep, that's the one.

It was weird. It was awkward. It was awesome.

On the flight home, I thought about him all day. Should I try to keep closer in touch with him, or should I let it go?

"No day but today, I do not regret the things I've done only those I did not do, and every other seize the day cliche!"

OR

"Crazy girl in her late 20's clings to some abstract connection because of a lack of anything else in the love department?"

I had pretty much convinced myself to not confess my undying love and just let it go, when I got home from 12 hours of traveling and finally had a chance to check my e-mail. In my inbox was a screaming subject line with his name on it.

Someone from high school, who I haven't seen or talked to in, oh, 8 years had gotten my name off of some reunion list and e-mailed me asking if I happened to have my ex's contact information. Apparently he's lost touch with his boys and they're trying to find him.

Let's recap: I haven't seen my ex in 8 years. The day after our get together, some completely random person e-mails asking for his contact information.

This is completely messing with me. Am I in "Serendipity"? Is it the universe that keeps revealing him to me, or is it just a weird coincidence?

Please e-mail me with feedback - I need help to figure out my next step!!!

Excerpts from an IM conversation...

DPricechicago: your life is like a commercial...
rees20: ha ha
rees20: how so?
DPricechicago: well, like, I can see the commercial starting with dinner with friends, great wine, laughing, cavorting...
rees20: ha ha
DPricechicago: then cut to night out, having wine, dancing, the kissing....
DPricechicago: then you in the tub with a book and some wine...
rees20: ha ha
rees20: you're right!
DPricechicago: Martin, the new scent of twenty somethings...by calvin klein
rees20: lol... oh god, i hate myself for saying that


DPricechicago: and I joined myspace, but i like friendster better i think....
rees20: did you add me as one of your friends?
rees20: how about trey and christina?
DPricechicago: yes
DPricechicago: no
rees20: sweet
rees20: and you should
DPricechicago: i will...i promise
rees20: well good
DPricechicago: sweet
rees20: so, here's a confession...
DPricechicago: oooohg goodie
rees20: i enjoy watching 2 and a half men
rees20: OH GOD! for shame!
DPricechicago: my computer just shut down...it can't believe it
DPricechicago: jesus, that show...
DPricechicago: oh honey
DPricechicago: i just don't know what to say
rees20: have you ever seen it?
DPricechicago: so the saturday kissing was not with the ambiguous restaurant boy...right
DPricechicago: yes
rees20: i'll bet you'd like it
DPricechicago: i've seen it
DPricechicago: it's fine...but I don't love it
rees20: come on! clitoris leachman is on it tonight
DPricechicago: i love clitoris' work
DPricechicago: but she just rubs me the wrong way
DPricechicago: HA, thank you detroit...
rees20: maybe you rub her the wrong way
rees20: ew! let me finish your jokes for you please!
DPricechicago: ....i never rub the clitoris improperly!
DPricechicago: i'm a solo act...sorry
DPricechicago: little circles.....little circles...then right left right left right left, then circles...
DPricechicago: see!
rees20: hot


DPricechicago: i want to date an older woman maybe...someone who is like 35
DPricechicago: is that weird
rees20: how come?
rees20: i mean, why do you want to date someone older?
DPricechicago: i dunno...older women find me cute and funny
rees20: haha
rees20: don't younger women too?
DPricechicago: ....ok, good point...maybe
DPricechicago: but older women seem more together and confident
DPricechicago: confidence is the sexiest thing in a woman
DPricechicago: bar
DPricechicago: none
rees20: hmmm... and younger women don't have as much confidence?
DPricechicago: i would say that moreoften than not, the younger women I know tend to be less confident
DPricechicago: or that I have met and have been mildly interested in
rees20: interesting
DPricechicago: does that make me sound awful
rees20: maybe they've had it beaten out of them. a lot of men don't like confident women, unfortunately
DPricechicago: totally
DPricechicago: absolutely and totally true
rees20: it sucks
DPricechicago: it's an unfortunate thing
DPricechicago: men are more insecure than any women they've dated...
rees20: ohhh... it just started thundering here
rees20: yeah
DPricechicago: so hot
DPricechicago: i love that

Things that happened to me last night:

• I found out that I was singularly responsible for a 55 year old man coming out to his family. Oops.
• I got silly puddy all over my black leather jacket. Waahhhh!!!! I hope the dry cleaner can get it off.
• I made out with someone I had a crush on 6 years ago - ahhhhh, reconnecting with old loves is great.
• I finally got to show off the fact that I know all of the words to "Lumps".
• I stayed out until 5am for the first time in a really long time.

Silly puddy aside, it was definitely an interesting and fun night.

Home sweet home

"Erin, are your pajamas folded up on your bed?"

Three of my friends asked me that separately last night. Oops. When I got home from work I had hurriedly straightened up my apartment. Instead of throwing my pajamas behind my pillows as usual, for some reason I had absentmindedly chosen to fold them neatly on the bed. My friends thought it was cute.

My goal has always been to have a home that is a haven, not only for me but for the people that I love. A place where there is always a glass of wine or beer waiting, cookies in the oven, and an ear to listen or shoulder to cry on.

I think I've done it.

Last night friends were in and out of my place, some for dinner, some for drinks, some for socialization after a long day, some for comfort after an exciting date. Everyone now knows each other in a comfortable way now, and I think they are coming to rely on the fact that every Friday night they can come over and unwind from the week, fill up with good food and drink, socialize with fun people, and just be themselves.

For me it was great. I felt like I had worked hard to create this atmosphere in my life, and it is every bit as satisfying as I had hoped it would be. I hope that this is a tradtion that I continue to live out in my life, right now with friends, and later with my husband and my chidren's friends. That may be a long way off, but I know that it is in my horizon. There is no way I could give up how good it feels to have a home like this.

Heavenly

Around the corner from my apartment there is an old fashioned coffee shop. Not the trendy kind that serves muffins and lattes, but the kind where they have a hundred different flavors of beans sitting around in burlap sacks. You pick it out and the can grind it for you if you want... it's amazing. Very rustic inside.

And they have the best things ever - chocolate flavored espresso beans. Oh my God, they're heavenly. Incredibly rich, I can't eat more than three at a time. I keep them in my apartment and nibble on them when I'm in the mood for a hint of satisfaction.

Mmmmm.. a great indulgence.

This is great...

"CELLPHONES really are like the new cigarettes, 'cause they're annoying to everyone around you and they give you cancer. That's why I try to balance my usage on each ear evenly, because I want my tumor to grow symmetrically" — comedian Barry Weintraub at the Borgata in Atlantic City

*Taken from Page Six Online.

Hope no one was timing me

I planned my lunch hour down to the minute to give myself just enough time to run home, watch Grey's Anatomy and fast forward through the commercials, and make it back in time for my 1:00 meeting. Unfortunately, I hadn't planned on this...














There is nothing in the world more inconvenient than train crossings.

Because I think these things are fun

Here, I previously had one of those "Getting to know you" surveys.

However, I decided to remove it because it was stinking up my blog.

Cutting people out

Tommy, your name is William Thomas Martin...

Yes, it is.

And your father's name was William Blackstone Martin...

Yes, it was.

Who are your brothers and sisters?

I don't have any brothers.

Your sisters are Katie Susan...

This went on for a while. We refer to it as one of her "old favorites". She'll go on and on with the full names of everyone in the family, then listing exactly who they were named after (even if they weren't really named after anyone). Other "old favorites" include I'm going to die soon, No one comes to visit me, and, my personal favorite, You know, your cousin Jay is gay, but I always loved him anyway.

My grandmother is now in a home, for lack of a better word. She's been relatively senile for quite some time, and recently was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I'm not sure how you can really tell, since her dementia has basically just been heightened in the last few years. She's always been self-absorbed and a bit crazy, now it's just more frequent and consistent.

I rarely go visit her. I never liked her very much anyway, and she won't remember if I was there or not. I can't decide whether I'm being selfish in not going, or whether I'm being smart to cut negative stressors out of my life.

We stayed for about 45 minutes. On the way out my father quipped "God, now I really do need a drink. I can't believe I even came here sober!" He was carrying on with our long standing and always funny joke about the dangers of trying to deal with family without having at least a solid buzz. We rushed out to dinner and got drinks ASAP.

When I got home, I tried to decide whether to go out or stay in for the night. Friends were scattered, rumor had it people were meeting up later. It would have been nice to get out of the apartment, but I wasn't unhappy to be settled in for the night either. I got a call from people, but there was one disconcerning detail - Travis would be there.

The first night I met Travis was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and we started kissing. He wanted more, I was ready to go home. In a last ditch effort to get me to stay with him, he took out his penis and asked me to watch him masturbate.

Suffice it to say that that incident definitely represented a personal low. (And I of course left immediately.)

I've had the opportunity to hang out in groups with him since, but have always politely declined. Not even necessarily because of him, but because at that moment I realized something - I was no longer willing to put up with immature and disrespectful men. Being single for this long has put me into too many situations like that (granted, not quite that bad, but still).

So while it would have maybe been fun to go out last night, I felt the need to take a stand. I've heard that he feels like a total asshole about the incident and is constantly making self-depricating jokes about it. That makes me feel better.

The situations are different, for sure, but I found it interesting that in one evening I had to consider my relationships with two separate people who I have made the conscious decision to not be around.

Indecent affections?

Everyone gets crushes. Everyone lusts. The question is, what is the appropriate age range for said crushes and lusts? Or more specifically, is it ok for a 26 year old female to lust after a cute teenage boy?

Dear readers (ok, Leah), please meet the object of my perhaps indecent affections -









That's right. The kid from Almost Famous. I swear to God, when I watch the movie Saved! I can barely contain myself, I'm so crazy for Patrick Fugit. It's just that he's so cute, and watching those movies it's easy to flash back to high school and what it was like to have crushes on beautiful/nice/popular boys and just want simple things from them in return.

Relationships these days have so much more riding on them. Some people want to get married, some people don't. Some people spend all of their time working, some spend every night drinking. The stakes are too high. Everyone is busy planning out their lives. Some are frantically searching for someone who will fit into the mold they are creating, while others are clinging to their single identities. It's impossibly confusing to figure out who wants what and where you can go in the grand scheme.

In high school all you wanted was someone to hang around with, someone to hold your hand, someone to go to the football game with.

Hmmm... if only it were possible to approach relationships with such ease now. Then maybe I wouldn't be stuck lusting after a 19 year old actor.

Nah, don't be so hard on yourself, Rees. He's really cute.

Urban Family

"Jess, we're at T-minus 59 minutes until Grey's Anatomy starts," I announced. I was flopped on one couch skimming through Tyler Florence's latest cookbook. Paul was on the other couch reading his Theater History for class the next day. Tonia was sitting at the counter stirring the red velvet cake mix and greasing cupcake pans. Jess and Drew were in the kitchen throwing ingredients into the wok for stir-fry.

There is something so beautiful and comforting about the group of friends that becomes your family. As we get older, many of us become a bit disenchanted with our own families. Not that we don't love them, but sometimes they just don't get us. So we come to depend on our friends for emotional support and day-to-day company. Spending time with these people is invaluable, and I know that I am creating some of the best memories of my life.

Sunday, for example. Jess and I were dying to watch the new episode of Grey's Anatomy, which is quickly becoming the show to watch among the young and hip. The others had never seen it, but no one was in the mood to sit around their apartments alone, and we're close enough to all just be able to hang out and do our own thing without feeling the need to entertain each other.

Dinner was finished just in time for the show to come on. Jess and I sat next to each other on the couch, clutching hands and squealing each time the show hit an emotional high point - which is about every five minutes. Drew cleaned up the kitchen, Paul watched with us (getting himself hooked in the process), and Tonia concentrated on icing.

About halfway throught the show, a plate with an arm attached descended down between us from behind the couch.

"Cupcake?" she offered. They were still warm, and the icing was melting down the side. Suffice it to say that I was in heaven.

The goal of becoming an adult is to make a family of your own. I couldn't be happier with mine, even if it is not the traditional family unit that many others in their late 20's are in the process of spawning. Maybe my generation is starting a new tradition - and I'll be happy to pioneer that. Especially since this new family unit includes addictive TV and warm cupcakes.

Perfect food combination of the day

Last week I bought an Italian Fontina cheese. When I brought it home and started nibbling on it, I found that I could only do bits at a time because it was incredibly salty. So all week I've been chipping away at the hunk very slowly.

Today while buying apples at a specialty foods and produce store my eyes fell on homemade Virginia honey. I've been craving really good honey since I had some at Mario Battali's restaurant, Otto, the last time I was in New York. I decided to pick up the jar and head home.

At home I got out the cheese and spooned some of the golden honey into a bowl. Dipped the cheese in and swirled it around to be sure I got lots on.

Heavenly! The rich sweetness of the fresh honey was just the thing to finally balance out the saltiness of the cheese. Ahhhh...

Now off to my Saturday evening activity - a silent art and photography auction to benefit AIDS. I'm such a good citizen.

...the night away

At first I thought he was too aggressive. Trying to get all up in my business, dancing in my space. I politely brushed him aside a few times, but he kept coming back. Finally he coerced me into a bit of "the pretzel". Not too impressive, everyone knows that dance. But then he took it farther and I realized that he knew what he was doing. He actually knew the basic Lindy swing move, and was careening me around the dance floor with some pretty impressive moves.

We danced for about 15 minutes and then his buddies whisked him away. I went back to my friends, and when I turned around a few minutes later I saw him fade out the door.

Brief, surprising, and pleasant. Not a bad encounter for a single girl.

Milk and honey

That's the flavor of my new bubble bath. It wasn't expensive, I got it at the grocery store for $2.99. It smells yummy and makes a comfortable haven out of my claw-footed tub. Tonight I came in from a long day, piddled around my apartment for a bit, and then drew myself a hot bath with lots of bubbles.

Ahhhh... I sank down into the tub and let my mind wander over the events of the day.

There was a rumored promotion at work for me... ponder ponder.

I came really close to buying a pair of gorgeous summer sandals because they were majorly on sale... think think.

Somehow found myself at a reception for potential VMI students (work related)... fantasize fantasize.

Then the events of the day faded and I realized how relaxed I truly was. Milk and honey will do that to you.

Potentially Traumatic Pants Disorder

Ok, so over the last few months I've gained some weight. Nothing too bad, maybe like 5-10 pounds. Could be several reasons why, but frankly I blame it on these two:

1. For the first time in my life, I'm really settling down into an office job. 8:30-5:30, sitting at my desk. In front of a computer. Only changing when I force myself to get up and move around, so as not to actually fuse into my chair. Plus, in this rich culture of Corporate America, higher ups are constantly "treating" and "rewarding" you with food. It's everywhere! Free pizza for lunch, games at team meetings where we get prizes of not one candy bar, but an entire damn bag of Halloween sized candy. It's completely unneccessary and gross. These are not the kind of things I would subject myself to on a daily basis. I'm not a snacker by nature, but when snacks are constantly staring me in the face, there is only so much I can refuse - I'm only human.
2. I think my body is finally starting to really change. Not drastically, but I may just be hitting the late 20's hump where it's not quite as easy to stay skinny. (I consider myself lucky that I made it this long.)

I'm not here to whine about getting fat or anything - I actually kinda like the look of it. It makes me feel womanly and more mature. But what frustrates me is this: there are some clothes that I can't fit into anymore.

I've got a few pairs of pants that do not fit me anymore, and this pisses off my highly developed frugal side. Tonight I decided would be the ultimate test of just how far out of control this "weight gain" had become: the off-white tuxedo pants.

Last year I bought a gorgeous pair of off-white tuxedo pants. Love them, but only wore them once. They will be just perfect for my company's annual holiday party. The thought of not being able to fit into them, and therefore having splurged on a pair of pants to only wear once, infuriates me. I decided that tonight I would try them on and see once and for all what my options were: still wear them (fingers crossed!), have them let out (can that even be done?), get a girdle on underneath them that wouldn't be seen (they are white after all), or whether I would just have to give up on them all together and start praying now that one day I would get mono and go back to my sometimes-size-4 self.

Coming off the hanger, the fabric was even softer than I remembered. Breath held, stomach sucked, I stepped in. Zipper comes up... seems to be working. One button in place - Oh My God - I'm home free!

They fit!

Well, they got on at least. I inspected myself in the mirror and assessed (ha ha) how they felt. Little bit more snug around the waist than I remember, but over all, not terrible. Of course I will have to enlist a completely honest friend to tell me whether they really do look ok, or if they are bordering on trashy-Krystal-with-a-K-tight. But that is all in due time. The good news for now is that for all intents and purposes, they still fit.

I can totally handle my body changing. I can totally handle my transformation into a corporate cog. As long as my body can totally handle my off-white tuxedo pants.

Correction

THIS is the best costume I've seen so far....

My niece, Carter, (well, step niece... whatever) and her mother, Stacey.